Time is a lie

Revitalizing

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 14:04:14 +0000

The story about having a blog and forgetting about it says a lot about me, I guess. I can´t concentrate on anything for a long period of time on anything. Things start getting tough, you see. I am light, very light, and hate spending time with people and things that are just a hindrance. Such a bore!

Anyhow, the blog will be revitalize, it will probably receive a new “face”, and see what I´ll do with it. Back to Tony Kushner now!

The candle spectacle

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 14:30:11 +0000

I spent the weekend at a friend’s house for she wanted to discuss something quite important with me… well, if all of the surprises you can imagine, I had an enormous one, but unfortunately the outcome was not, so far, how I wanted it to be. But it will bounce back, I’m positive.

On Saturday morning after another small surprise we decided to go out of the house to have a manicure. Of course we didn’t have an appointment and we couldn’t get it done right away. We went for some cheap lunch, which ended up not being that cheap after all, for some coffee, and on our way back we decided to stop by the local catholic church to see what was going on there. I mean, there was a bunch of people walking out of that place and curiosity hit.

We started walking around the church, realized there was nothing but a regular mass, and decided to sit down at a bench right in front of St. Anthony of Padua (the catholic saint of the lovers and lost things) to talk about random things… as always. You all know that I am not a believer, that I don’t believe in god, let alone in any saint there may be, but there was something in front of him that called our attention. A new set of electric candles! Some of the candles were lit already, and, of course, being a smart ass as I am, I decided to light one as well. I dropped a coin as I supposed to, and instead of lighting up one candle my coin made four candles to turn off. Ok that it might have been just coincidence but I swear that thing freaked me out. I gave up the candle and went back to the bench. I spent some time thinking whether I’ve lost anything that I really wanted back, realized that there was something I wanted back, talked to the saint (yes, I was going mad) and started to pay attention to this woman who went up to the electric candles, deposited about 5 or 6 coins inside, has all of her 5/6 candles lit up and walked away. My friend and I were still at the church chatting away when we saw all of those candles slowly turning off, literally. I swear to you that that was something I would never expect, those candles were light for like 20 minutes only. The conclusion I got at that moment was more startling than anything else for, even inside the church, the market is stronger than anything else, we had the spectacle of the candle, your wish or miracle for 10 cents, valid for 20 minutes, and, next! Even a small light, which was supposed to burn slowly, is now electric and good for 20 minutes, quick, as we all should be in this new 21st century society we all live in. The light when it went on reminded me of something I read years ago by Guy Debord, and, of course, this is why I named this post The spectacle of the candle, and that made me sad somehow. We are all losing everything, from experience to hope, and I really don’t see how we will be able to live like this. Life should not be as ephemeral as a candle, but from what I saw yesterday I, right now, believe so, light goes off, but the candle still remains.

Look at the bottom

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:11:04 +0000

When you decide start a blog the last thing you want to do is write about how shitty your life is, you never intend to share with others any kind of pain you feel at any moment, but, sometimes, the blog, as impersonal as it is may be the only way out.

Last night I was talking on the phone with a very good friend of mine, someone whom I carry very close to my heart, but someone whose life has been turned upside down as well by another someone who would never deserve a woman like this friend of mine and we came to a couple of conclusions. Well, we were talking about all of the bad things that end up happening to good people, and how we end up being misinterpreted by others who don’t know us. I try not to be aware of those things, I’m not sure I try to cover it up, or if I just pretend, consciously, that it’s not there. But I have just heard something from someone I love that hit me pretty hard, and it’s how people perceive me by just looking at me. It’s ironic how people who don’t actually know you judge what they see, nobody is interested in getting to really know each other for it is easier to simply judge, it’s like buying a book by its cover. Specially in the work place… who do people at your job really know about you? Nothing! And I know nothing about them, I can’t go around talking nonsense behind their backs because I don’t know! I avoid doing that, I can’t say I like or dislike beets if I have never tasted it. I don’t criticize anything or anyone based on bubbles, or the fact that she/he does look good. He told me people see me as someone who doesn’t know what I want… I just didn’t get that! How come I don’t know what I want? They don’t know what I want, they don’t know me!!!! I loathe this sort of behavior in people, and to make things worse instead of shutting the fuck up these people go around bullshitting their stupid thoughts to other people who simply cannot think for themselves. Really, if people had any idea of what I want… but they don’t. They know so little about me. Do you know what people know about me? That I am beautiful, I dress well, I am polite thus I have a very good work relationship with my colleagues, but that is all!!! No one from my EX freaking job know ANY FUCKING THING ABOUT ME! So, please, STOP BLABBING AROUND WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW!!! Or the fuck you assume it to be! I don’t go around saying anything about anyone because it does NOT concern me. Please, take care of your own mediocre lives and leave me alone!

And it is what it is. I think I have to thank these people for fucking up my life, for gossiping about me, for putting shit into my ex-boyfriend’s mind, and probably, for having me fired at the end. You go through life and you think you can trust a certain amount of people, I have just found out I can trust five. I have five friends, which is a big number if you consider the great majority of people I know. But I thought I could, at least, rely on some people regarding certain aspects of my life, I mean, professionally. I was lied at at work by my own coordinator, I found out people I thought cared about me didn’t, and now I found out people said shit behind my back who does not correspond to the freaking reality at all… how nicer can it get?

But there is always, as we were talking lat night, something good to come out out of a huge amount of shit… or so we thought. I was telling her that I didn’t believe in Murphy’s law, at least not in its corollary, but today I have to admit the corollary does exist. The phone call happened. I thought that, at least, in the middle of all the puddle of shit, something is going smoother, and I thought to be my love life, which was a nightmare before as well (I just had a job). It’s amazing when you think that would turn into place, it, as well, goes down the drain. I don’t know why I fall for such insecure men. I have to admit I told him a lie in the past, but a white lie, I didn’t mean to hurt, I actually had the best intentions when I wrongly did that. And it turned me into the big bad wolf, I am mean, I have no heart, I’m cold, and I never mean well .. what I say he cannot write, he doesn’t trust me, and I am, probably, everything that is bad in the world. Of course, as he told me on the phone today, I am so beautiful that he prefers to say every single stupid thing one can say to another on the phone for it is hard for him to be close to me and not feel like kissing me. Coward! I can’t find another word for someone like him. I gotta be the devil! But if I were the devil thins would turn out fine to me, I guess, I would be able to temper with what I want – what I WANT. Not what others think I want, or don’t want, of course.

But, if for one thing, I told him how I felt, and what I thought he was doing, how wrong he was, and how wrong he was in, yet again, listening to his friends’ (who have never seen me!!) bullshitting me, and, of course, following exactly what they told him, for, right now, I don’t believe they simply looked at him and said nothing. I don’t believe in anything, anyone, and I have a reason not to. Another lesson learned, I guess. As a friend of mine just told me, he’s an insecure asshole who is unable to deal with someone like you, thus, he attacks you… it has always been the best defense, right? When you attack someone simply means that you are just trying to defend yourself… but that’d be too much for me to expect him to understand anything of it. And I am sorry for it, really, because I really like him, but I need to love me way more. And I don’t deserve that. I could never tell him I’d go live with him or marry him last week, it was the first day we went out together after two months without seeing or talking to each other …. and this is what he wanted to hear from me, but how? He didn’t tell me that either, of course, that’d be insane. Please, someone draw this concept for me because it’s impossible to understand it this way!!

“Never apologize for saying what you feel. That’s like saying “sorry for being real”. (Joseph Ducreux)”

SF movies

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:10:01 +0000

A list of the most intelligent SF movies ever made. Worth checking them out.

http://blastr.com/2010/07/the-16-most-intelligent-s.php

In search of lost time

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 04:16:34 +0000

It is always funny to realize how one can look stupid when riding a bus. It is obvious that today I made a great buy, I bought Proust for 52 reais, which means something close to US$ 25! Coming back home I started reading the Introduction to the book, in which the writer of that particular intro wrote about Proust himself, his stifled life, his excesses when late at night he used to stroll around Paris and hang out with local writers, his love life and this woman he was madly in love with and wrote a book about. There I was thinking about Remembrance of things past as a Buildingroman, a novel in which the main character evolves somehow into a better person (roughly that), in which there needs to be a development of the character to make the book work, and naturally our hero (not in the Greek sense, please!) goes through many events which help shape his new life. Needless to say that in the second part of the introduction the writer starts developing her theory on this novel as a buildingroman, and adding that it is a mixture of buildingroman and a roman fleuve…. this was when I started grinning …. by myself, on the bus with this very weird looking fella by my side who, at that time, was already starting at me, and probably thinking, who on earth lets such a weirdo onto a bus??! At that moment I remembered when I was reading the first act of Hydriotaphia when Dr. Browne’s souls started to rattle his handcuffs in order to get rid of them praying for Dr. Browne to finally die, and let him free… and I started laughing out loud on the bus… yet again.

This is something I think I need to stop doing, and it’s laughing by myself on the bus.

The book challenge

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 14:53:17 +0000

There is always something that triggers a stupid idea in everyone, whether it is love, people, letters on a piece of paper, or a movie, ideas flow at a moment that they shouldn’t. So, this is the story:

Last night after a very interesting evening (this will be discussed in another post, btw) with a very surprising end I went to the video store to rent a video I heard was very good. And indeed it was, but it also gave me an idea.

The movie: Julie & Julia.

The idea: blog every book I read

As you all know I’m taking a phd in Comparative Literature, thus, I’m a great fan of novels, or anything that has words on. So, this is the challenge. If people can blog about recipes based on a book, I can blog about reading books. So, from today on my posts will be basically what I’ve read, or what I’m reading at the moment.

In the past two months I read Salinger’s The catcher in the Rye, Faulkner’s The sound and the fury, Bronte’s Jane Eyre, and now I am reading Sanctuary, also by Faulkner, which was given to me as a gift. In the process of writing my dissertation I also read three plays by Tony Kushner, and a lot of different essays by Rousseau, Kant, Benjamin Constant, Nietzsche, and Horkheimer.

So, be ready because this will be a tough challenge. Hope you will be here with me.. hehe.

Sitting duck

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 15:02:12 +0000

Life in Camboinhas is pretty much a funny one, how many of you opened your kitchen doors and stared at a duck looking back at you? None, probably. I soon found out that there is a duck pond near my condo, in which ducks swim free, and fly free as well. Now, I wonder, what seeing a duck means? Well, naturally all of us are acquainted with the many duck-word idioms and all of their foul meanings… I have to confess that I was remembering what a friend of mine told me about, oh well, when I opened the door and saw that huge duck with a very weird wrinkled red head (Brazilian wild duck, really, not even close to the beautiful greenish American one) and that feeling of something that has little or no effect (yeah yeah, water off a duck’s back!), that is, no importance at all…. or of a sitting duck…. idiotic and easy to catch ….. man, that duck was ugly!!!!! Needless to say that my dog was dead scared and just got closer to the duck when I lifted her in my arms and took the baby close to the duck, her heart was racing like mad, lol…. but she finally found the guts to scare the hideous duck away – apparently a lot of beings who are/were around me are very afraid of the unknown, or of something that seems to be bigger/stronger than he/she – just facing this unknown with some or a lot of help from their friends.

Suspension of disbelief

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 13:16:12 +0000

It is always interesting how news get to you, well, after awhile I came to realize that funky news do not come to me, they fly to me. I don’t need to look for anything, they just come, unattended and at any time. First, you think… wow, you gotta be kidding me,right? No one in their right minds would do something like that, but, then again, you start over and rethink to which you will come to a brand new conclusion: oh hell yeah, one would do that! First impressions analyzed, and you are sure you’re up to a semester of fun. It’s quite funny when your head start to spin like a character in one of those stream of consciousness novels, in which the character thinks as he/she acts…. I felt just like Clarissa Dalloway, with two tiny differences – I was not going to kill myself in the end (life is too short and it needs to be lives in its full), and I was not trying to throw a party to anyone, but to me (and it was supposed to be a fun one!). While I was musing over what I’ve heard I realized that if you want to hang out with people who think they’re Jason but in fact act like Benjy, I should have realized I was up to a bad start…. and hopefully to a funny end (well, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful semester of funnies – and I really want to see it blow!)

In My Arrogant Opinion

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:05:53 +0000

You see I have been mean, and I make no intention of ever changing, meanness is something that is ingrained in my personality, and now I see no point in changing, so… take a look at the picture below – I don’t really care whether you’ll agree with it or not but I do think this is very interesting. Please, comment!!

http://www.artinthepicture.com/paintings/Felicien_Rops/The-Temptation-of-St-Anthony/

Well, I know that I promised a new post a couple of days ago, but I got too lazy to write. I went back to reading Tony Kushner and Kant, and I really got tired at the end, sorry. But let’s go on:

In my last post I commented on a text by Friedman that I couldn’t agree a bit. In my previous ones I was retelling my failed relationship with a university professor who thinks and behaves like a 14yo kid. (Beware!!!!!) So, now, I think we are ready for a fresh start. Of course, I’ll eventually go back to politics for it is my favorite subject, but the idiot will be mentioned here for the last time.

To sum the whole story up: if he was not lying to me in the first place he would try to do something to prove me he is not the git I think he is. You see, you’re a man who tells your girlfriend you love her, that you want to marry her, but you act like you don’t give a shit to her, that you are really not interested in her, and when she realizes that, naturally, she’ll say that to you, and when the time comes for you to prove you’re not a completely douchebag, you don’t do anything. My conclusion: the shoe fit, and when the shoe fit, you have nothing to do but to let it lie. IMAO, the guy IS a douchebag, with no character, or self-respect. What the hell was I doing with such a wretched character for so long? Really, I got so fed up with the whole story, excuses, lame excuses, that the next day that I’ll talk to him will be the day that hell will freeze over.

As ugly as it gets

Time is a lie (T.A.) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 18:33:43 +0000

I think we all know that it’s just perfect to know that I agree to disagree, this gives me great happiness, and I must add that this will not be different. I know that I should respect Freedman, but come on! Take a look at this: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/26/opinion/26friedman.html

Doesn’t it make you wonder? First, the real meaning of democracy, especially what is democracy in America. If you really analyze what the word means, the government made by the people (and to the people, lol), you right now think that there is not real democracy in the US. Let’s consider American’s voting system for starters. Do the American “people” elect their president?? Questionable, very questionable. Now, please Freedman (Is his name a joke, or is it his real name? That minds me of so many, well, freedom fries kind of things), I am going to defend Lula for the first time in my life (not a huge fan of the guy anyways) – is it only the US that can actually carry nuclear nukes? Let’s face it, I know it’s way more comfortable when you are in a position in a world that you are the only country which allows/ or does not allow any other country to develop WMDs. Why is it that Brazil and Iran are trying to defy the Unites States? Please, do not be so self centered, or naive for that matter…. Maybe it is time for Brazil to watch their back as well. (Not that I think anything will ever work right in this country, sorry. But it’s true.)

Now, I am going downstairs to watch the US play against England in the World Cup. FIGHT!!!!!!